TacoBell is the restaurant that everyone goes to once simply to say they went. The fact that very few people go a second time might be an indication that it simply isn’t up to scratch with the other Mexican inspired restaurants in the area. However I have suspicions of a more sinister nature.

The fact that TacoBell is almost universally not returned to had me curious. Surely their entire customer base can’t be made up of people trying it for the first time? Is the food intentionally made average so regular citizens won’t return? Is TacoBell secretly a Russian Spy Front? These questions and more were milling around my mind.

Late one fateful night I decided to check it out. I went inside. I could not see any Russians. However Russians look just like you and me so I had to be sure. I ordered a taco shell with extra vodka, and to my surprise, nothing happened. The server just looked at me strangely. Clearly this was not the secret phrase. After ordering the only thing in the restaurant I could afford. Napkins. I noticed they were handing out small buzzing devices to let you know when your order was ready.

The device buzzed and I rushed into action to write down the Morse code message. K-G-B-N-U-K-E-S-M-O-V-E-T-O-N-I-G-H-T. Hmm, KG Buke Smoveto Night, what could it mean? Yet another dead end? Well all in all it was an expensive trip to discover nothing about the secrets behind TacoBell. Well played Russian Spies… Well played.… In order to throw them off my scent I must rate it 5 our of 5 stars.

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