Philistine Eats Yoghurt, Caramelised Fig and Lemon?
War Rages.
Some of our faithful readers have accused me of philistinism, for not mixing yoghurt before eating it; leaving the fruit sitting at the bottom. To the contrary, this my friends is how the yoghurt was brought to us. How we first experienced the Yog, taking away the Hurt from us. Nevertheless in the pursuit of science I shall first taste first the top, then the bottom, then a combination of all so the truth may be revealed.
Lemon and Fig, much unlike the warring counterparts in my previous review of the Berry’s are complementary flavours. Not everyone who buys Fig would eat Lemon but everyone who eats Lemon buys Fig.
The Lemon, biological weapon turned psychological
The initial taste and texture is cheesecake. Diving straight to the bottom it tastes like lemon cheesecake, but made with twice as much lemon. When mixed together… awful. Much to my redemption I highly recommend eating this separately. In fact, I would go so far as to recommend buying Lemon and Plain Yoghurt instead of this abomination, a discord of sour flavours. Since its discovery in 1927, there has been talk of using it in war-zones as a biological weapon. After being banned by the Geneva convention it was then used by the English government dropped by captured German planes over the allied lines as reverse propaganda. It was designed to make the French fight ever harder to not be defeated and forced to eat this horrid concoction. I hope and pray for salvation in Fig but I fear for the worst.
Caramelized Fig and other Ancient Torture Devices.
It is hard to describe the horrors of war that Fig, the complement to Lemon, inspires. I sit here, staring at the barley touched tub in horror. If Lemon is psychological warfare, then Caramelised Fig is an immoral detention camp. It was given to political prisoners who would rather starve than be tortured by this figure of food. Its looks are as appetising as it sounds – solid lumps of brown spool around the bottom like an infestation of fleas on a white dog. I can only thank God that the words “Limited Batch” were emblazoned on the side.
Incase you didn’t pick up from my review I am not a Lemon nor a Fig person. Tomorrow a post war future awaits, in Blueberry, Banana and Strawberry. I only hope the future is bright, for all our sakes.
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